tackling the UKs budet & pensions deficits

Where to start? how about TAX EVASION. Close up all the loopholes, then make tax evasion a capital offense,execute the CEOs and take the guilty corporations into public ownership without compensation to shareholders.If the company remains profitable, keep it,if not look for some mug in the private sector to invest.(Deficit gone ),
Defense.
Scrap the present set up, and have one force of mainly nuclear and biological specialists, this is a really cheap option, for instance we could have nuked Iraq,Afghanistan and even Argentina, with no loss of life on our side and it would be all over in a day.We need to get from the ideas of trying to win over our enemies and just wipe the fuckers off the face of the earth. Okay I accept that it would make getting the oil out of Iraq a bit more expensive, but I have a solution to that which Kills two birds with one stone. We could send retired public servants to work there,thus shortening their life expectancy and reducing the the governments pension liability's.
THE OLD. no use to anyone so best get rid, scrap all benefits to the over 60s, let them chose between heating or eating.
Children. Scrap all benefits relating to children,If you can't afford to look after a child then the State should take ownership of them,They could be trained from early childhood to become cannon fodder for the armed forces, this would be an alternative to those who think nuking your enemies might seem a little extreme
TOMORROW we look more deeply into how to reduce the public and private sector pensions hole, and have some equally ridiculous solutions

The pensions black hole

To be fair, I don't know a lot about how the public sector pensions work, but on the other hand I do have some experience as an elected pensions trustee within the private sector in the 1980s.
Back then, billions were being taken out of pension schemes and companies were being taken over for the so called surplus. Us working class, no nothing, reds under the bed commie bastards were warning both the government and industry that the actuarial criteria they were using at the time simply did not add up, that it was obvious to anyone with half a brain that people were living longer, and that consequently the surpluses, even back then were in fact deficits.
This is all a bit boring and there's fuck all to be done about it now, so lets look into how the government might go about fixing the problem.
The solution is obvious, if people are living too long then..........kill them(er that won't do)encourage them not to live so long( Ah yes that's better ) there are a number of ways of approaching this, a concerted advertising program might work, something like this

Worried about funeral costs,don't want to be a burden on your children, the new goverment grant will bear all the cost if you top yourself before your 75th birthday,and an extra bonus payment will be paid to the families for years leading up to 75. The government will assure families that there will be no investigations into the causes of death.
or
You know you're a burden to both your family and the country, you don't want that do you,be patriotic and kind to your family by topping yourself today, guidance packs are available from www.govuk/happyendings.org

Other encouragemens might be needed so here are a few idea's
tax pensions at a higher rate, say 75%
stop all benefits to anyone over 65 who is unemployed
close all geriatric wards and old peoples homes and make the families of the inmates look after them